


Memoriae

by the_impatient_panda



Series: Memoria: Both Sides [1]
Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: Defiance, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Omec - Freeform, Post-Canon, Rebuilding, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Volge, tying up loose ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25446520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_impatient_panda/pseuds/the_impatient_panda
Summary: There's a lot of things that don't make sense about the end of Defiance. So in this case, the VC doesn't leave the second their Vice Chancellor is murdered, and actually sticks around to deal with the Omec. This causes chaos, and sends things rocketing off on a very different set of rails.OR the story in which Doc loses her memory, but gets the girl. It seems like a fair trade.This is technically two separate stories. The timelines do not quite lineup, and I don't have the time or inclination to fix it right now. You do need to read both stories to get all the details, and if completed this one would be entirely from the POV of Amanda Rosewater.WARNING: INCOMPLETE There are sections that are fleshed out. There are sections that are skeleton dialogue. There are sections that are little more than notes. You have been warned. Enjoy!
Relationships: Datak Tarr/Stahma Tarr, Irisa Nyira/Alak Tarr, Meh Yewll/Amanda Rosewater
Series: Memoria: Both Sides [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859395
Kudos: 2





	Memoriae

Amanda sat next to the hospital bed, staring at the still figure and feeling like she was drowning in a flood despite the silence of the room. The last twenty four hours didn’t seem to fit in her mind all at once. There was simply too much that had happened, too much that had gone wrong. 

Vice Chancellor Silora: dead at the hands of Nolan. Nolan now in the hands of the Votanis Collective Major who had taken over the operation in the wake of the Vice Chancellor’s death. That had been bad enough by itself, but then the attack...

The Omec (and they still weren’t sure which Omec it was or how many had actually attacked) moved like shadows in the night. A half-dozen citizens, deputies and VC soldiers were slain in silence, their only crime likely being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The prison where Nolan was being held was raided, and he was stolen from his cell. 

The Major was furious.

“He’s with them, isn’t he?” he’d demanded coldly of her as body after body was dragged into the clinic. “That’s why he attacked the Vice Chancellor. Not because of some ridiculous ark-tech in his brain, he’s been enthralled-”

“Coming through! Sir! Sir, the Omec weren’t working alone!” A soldier, followed by others bearing a stretcher. “We caught an indogene helping them-”

“An indogene?” The Major, turning sharply. “Where are they?”

“Here, sir. The guards shot first, thinking her another Omec. She’s wounded, sir-”

“Doc?!” Amanda, pushing past. The woman on the stretcher makes a strained noise, eyes rolling. She has blood gushing from her side and shoulder, and a deep groove in her head. “Doc! What-?”

“Doctor!!” The Major, calling his own doctor over. “Save this one, now! We need her to answer questions.” Amanda is pushed back by the swarming assistants. She sees glimpses of Doc’s clothes being cut away, and then the castithan doctor pauses.

“Oh, Reyasto’s mercies, she’s a prime! You shot a Prime!!” The wail is loud enough to catch the Major’s attention and he visibly pales. 

Activity paused, and the Major shoved his way in to see whatever it was that had caught the Doctor’s attention. 

“Well?!” he demanded a moment later. “Save her! If you don’t, heads will roll, and it will not be just mine!”

Activity erupted once again, this time with an air of desperation and Amanda was pushed entirely out of the room. Irisa found her shortly after, determined to go after her father. The Major joins them, rude as ever. He belittles the idea, with dawn still an hour away. Amanda talks him into mounting a rescue operation, though, or at least some sort of recon. When it is full light. He agrees and sends others to make the arrangements. Sets up his base of operations just outside the clinic. Asks what’s on the second floor, and Amanda explains that they’re Doc’s private rooms. He hesitates, then shakes his head.

“It is a bad enough business as it is,” he said quietly to himself. “No need to pile grievance on grievance. We’ll find other space to use.”

Stamah appears, looking for Datak. Tells Amanda the same thing as before. Amanda scoffs her off, then the Castithan doctor comes out. “Major!”

“Does she live?”

“Yes, but...” Holding something out in his hand. It's the control stem.

“What is it?”

“An indogene control stem, sir. It was in the Prime’s neck.”

“What’s that?” Amanda, demanding as several of the others go still.

“A device the Omec once used to control indogenes. To make them unable to disobey direct commands.”

Amanda feels sick to her stomach. “Where did your soldiers find her re-entering the town?”

They retrace Doc’s steps, and send soldiers and deputies to search in the direction she was coming from. Amanda stays at the command post, Berlin leads the search operation. Irisa stays with Amanda, organizing the strike against the mines. 

Berlin sends word, they found prisoners in cages. By their account, it was Doctor Yewll who put them there, but Datak and Samir are incredibly adamant that it wasn’t her fault and she was being controlled the entire time. The Major is not inclined to believe Datak alone, but some of the other prisoners are willing to admit that Doctor Yewll did not seem pleased with her work and unable to fight the compulsion of the Omec Kindzi. Once the Major is convinced Meh was not a voluntary Omec helper, Datak realizes no one has seen his wife. He goes to find her, and his son and grandson. 

Amanda is horrified. No one was fed to the Omec yet, though, so perhaps all is not lost after all. The doctor comes out. 

“Major?” Seeing Amanda. “Mayor Rosewater?”

“How’s Doc?” Amanda, quickly.

The doctor gives her an askance glance. “The honorable Prime will live,” he said carefully. “Or...so I believe.”

“Explain.” The Major.

The doctor looks troubled. “In any other individual, the trauma to the body and brain would likely be irreversible. Or if they lived, it would be with severe limitations. She is an indogene and a prime, though. The physical damage is already healing itself at an accelerated rate. I expect her to wake within a matter of hours. She will likely require a second surgery for further repairs to her stomach, but that can wait for a few days. How she is when she wakes up, though...that is the concern.”

“...I see.” Accepting. “Very well, Doctor Gorvian. I am sure you did your best. You may carry on with your duties.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” Pausing. “I am not certain who the honorable Prime is closest to, Mayor Rosewater, but it would be best if she wakes to a friendly and familiar face.”

“Unfortunately, our best chance for that ran off looking for his wife, son and grandson,” she replied tiredly. “And your second-best option got press-ganged into helping your men with all of the prisoners.” Thinking. “I can sit with her. I need to stay here, and if Datak returns he can take my place.”

“Very good.” Hesitantly. “If I may inquire...what is the honorable Prime’s name?”

“Doctor Yewll. Doctor Meh Yewll.”

The doctor looks beyond stricken. The Major sighs in resignation. “Who is the honorable Prime, doctor?”

“Doctor Meh A’Yewellation, (designations and ranks, etc, etc, etc.).” Visibly shaken. “Sir...if she is...damaged...”

“It’s both our careers out the window, yes.” Shrugging. “And if she is saved, it is likely both of them made. Let’s hope for the best.” 

“Yes, sir.”

Amanda wonders, but is distracted. 

For a while, there is work to do, to distract. Then it grows quiet. But only on the outside. Inside, there is no peace. No quiet. 

Amanda looks down as Doc shifts. Holding her breath, she watches as the eyes flicker open, searching the ceiling above. 

“Doc?”

The eyes shifted towards her, and a slight frown tugged at the edge of white lips.

“Excuse me,” the indogene said after a long moment. “...who are you? And where am I?” Pausing for a moment. “For that matter...who am I?”

Oh shtak.

-090-

Datak stopped his roller just behind the clinic, and helped Stamah get out as Alak alighted from the back with Luke in his arms. They stride in, and see Doc standing there with Amanda and the Major. Datak is loudly pleased to see her, and Amanda interposes herself between them.

“Amanda, out of the way, I wish to greet my friend.” Seeing the way Meh is studying him around Amanda. “...Meh?”

“Supposedly that’s me,” the indogene replied with a careless shrug. “And I’ll admit, you at least look familiar. But I don’t know who you are.”

“Amanda?” Datak, alarmed.

“She had a head injury.” Shrugging. “She’s...forgotten who she is, Datak.”

To the castithan doctor. “Is this permanent?”

“I don’t know.” Quietly. “Indogenes are an...unusual species. I have already sent a long-range message to the Votanis Collective asking a specialist be sent.”

“I see.” More carefully, to Meh. “I am Datak Tarr, and we are friends. I am glad to see you up, you were not well when last I saw you.”

Meh touches her stomach. “I’m...here. Kind of.”

Amanda to Datak. “Stahma and Alak and Luke?”

“Out back, safe.” To Meh, “I was going to ask if my family could shelter here, in your home, but given your condition...”

“Stay.” Simply said. “Major?”

“Yes, honored Prime?”

“How soon should the party from the mine be returning?”

“Any minute, honored Prime.”

“Good.” Datak’s mouth is hanging open. “So I did hide it from everyone? My status?”

“Yes, you did.” Quietly. Hurriedly adding, “Honored Prime.”

“Don’t call me that.” Sharply. Clearing her throat. “Sorry. It...sounds as wrong from you as it does from her.” Motioning to Amanda. “Doctor Yewll is fine for now. Or whatever it is you usually call me.”

“Of course...Doctor Yewll.”

“No...no, that’s not right.” Giving him a long look. “You...you called me Meh. Say it again.”

“Meh.”

“Call me that.”

The castithan doctor looks aghast. “Please, honored Prime, he can’t possibly-”

“Are you arguing with me?” Turning towards him incredulously. 

“...no, honored Prime.”

“Ok, then. Let’s go meet the group from the mines and see if we can’t sort out this mess.” To Amanda. “If that’s alright with you. You are the Mayor.”

“It is. After you.” Doc is moving slowly, carefully, but definitely moving under her own power. Amanda trades looks with Datak. The Major follows along behind her without complaint. 

“Datak,” Amanda, quietly to him. “What is a Prime? And why is the VC treating her like royalty?”

“Prime are rare indogenes, generally more intelligent than usual and with a general flair for leadership,” he explained quietly. “It makes sense that Meh would be one, but I can’t believe...and if her credentials are as extensive as I have always suspected they are, it is no surprise the Major is all but following her every order. To do otherwise invites trouble beyond what a man of his rank is willing to face.”

“Good.”

“Hm?”

“She recognizes you and I, that’s it. And we’re going to use that influence to take care of the Omec, save Nolan, and either get the VC out of the city or to sign the original agreements we had with Silora.”

“...I see.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“...only the added stipulation that we do not let them take her back to their cities. Not with her memories gone. If they do that, we will not get her back, and I do not have to tell you what a loss that would be to Defiance.”

“Alright.” Glancing at him. “You’re in?”

“Yes, I am.”

Outside, Irisa is waiting for them with the VC soldiers. They have Nolan back in custody. Kindzi and T’evgin are dead. She killed him, and they killed her before she could eat his heart. As far as they could tell, none of the other Omec were brought down. They’ve bought themselves a reprieve.

The Major starts to bark orders to put Nolan back in prison and prepare the convoy to leave with him immediately.

“You can’t do that!” Amanda, quickly. “He needs to be looked at first. He was a prisoner of the Omec, right? The doctor should make sure he’s alright first.”

“He’s a known murderer,” the Major, darkly. “He doesn’t deserve any help.” Meh flicks him with her fingers. He jumps, and immediately swallows his retort. “...honored Prime?”

“Bring him in. If the Mayor wants him checked, we’ll check him. He’s one of her citizens.”

“Jumped sides again, Doc?” Nolan sneered from where he was held up between two soldiers. 

“He doesn’t like me?” Meh asked Amanda, as he was frogmarched inside.

“...no. You disagreed on some things. Several things, actually.”

“He should not speak to you so.” The Major, darkly. 

“He is allowed his opinion,” Meh, dryly. “And for all I know, it is deserved.”

“Surely not, honored Prime! You are-”

“Oh, shut up. Enough groveling, let’s go look him over.”

As Amanda had hoped, Meh finds the evidence of ark-tech in his brain. She does the same scan on Irisa, and finds it there as well. Proof that his actions were not entirely his fault. The Major grudgingly accepts it, but he still committed murder. For now, he has to go back to prison. Its a reasonable compromise, Nolan is still pissed. He doesn’t believe the ‘lost memories’, or the Prime BS, he’s just done with it all.

Meh insists on being taken to the Omec place in the mines, to look at it herself. She calmly gives orders to the VC soldiers, and they leap to obey. She takes Amanda and Datak with her. The roller ride there is rough on her, and Amanda helps her stand once they arrive. Inspecting the place, she continued to give orders. Technology is gathered up and stripped away. She finds the discarded bit of ark-tech she thinks came from Nolan’s brain, and has it collected for further testing later. She keeps looking at a side-tunnel. Amanda asks her about it.

“I feel as though it's important, but I can’t say why.”

“Then let’s follow it.” 

Irisa. “We found Nolan down that way. And T’evgin and Kindzi.”

“Then let’s go.” So they do.

They find the corpses, and both are set to be destroyed. They also find Kindzi’s lab, which means all the clones. Amanda feels sick to her stomach from the butchered and discarded bodies. They find the latest one still in the tank, waiting to be awakened. 

“Sorry, sister.” Meh, looking down at the replica at herself. “There can be only one.” She pauses, then asks, “Is that from something? I feel like...” Puzzled looks from everyone. “Never mind. Leave this one, gather the rest up to be destroyed.”

“Honored Prime?” The Major. “All clones...”

“Must be destroyed, yes, I know.” Giving him a look. “Unfortunately, I need a stomach because a soldier shot me.” Tapping the tank. “Think of it as spare parts, alright? Bring Doctor Gorvian down here. Let him decide how to proceed in harvesting what he needs to fix me up.”

“Of course.”

Then they find the launch pad.

“Ah.” Meh, running her hands over the controls. She pushes some buttons, and studies the screen. The Major and Amanda watch over her shoulder, but no one else is able to understand what it says. “Interesting.”

“What is it?” Amanda.

“I’m thinking I was hooked into their system for awhile. This is extremely familiar, and I can even see a few places that appear to have been re-coded recently. The work is distinctly indogene. Unless there’s another one in Defiance who could have been taken...?”

“I mean there are, but none as smart as you.” Amanda. “Or at least that would be my assumption.”

“Then...I have a plan.” Turning around. “But none of you are going to like it.”

-090-

“You have got to be chupping kidding me,” Nolan said, shoveling his dinner down in quick bites as Amanda caught him up on the day’s events from outside his cell. Meh’s influence had gotten them privacy more than she thought possible. A guard watched them from another room, close enough to see that the Mayor maintained her distance but far enough away that words spoken quietly couldn’t be heard. “You can’t go up in that ship, Amanda!”

“Why not?” Crossing her arms. “A whole contingent of soldiers are going up. It's the only way to figure out if there’s a way to send the Omec off somewhere else.”

“But you don’t have to go.”

“Yes, I do.” He scoffs. “I’m doing this for you, you idiot! As long as Doc is in control of the VC soldiers, you’re safe. I have to make sure it stays that way, for all of us.”

“And you really believe she’s lost her memory?”

“Yes, I think she has.” Nodding slowly. “She’s...different. More relaxed. And she’s really the only one that’s going to be in danger.”

“A self-sacrificing Doc. Amazing.” Dourly. “Will wonders never cease?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?!” Hitting the bars of his cage. “Oh, so the ark-tech chupping my brain up isn’t enough, is it? Or the fact that some Omec haigi thought she could make me her pet-!”

“I know this has been hard on you, alright? I’m not going to pretend knowing what it's like having something like that happen, I wouldn’t know where to start. But we’re trying to help you. Doc is trying to help you, and she doesn’t even remember who you are. And honestly, maybe that’s for the best.”

“I’m not the only one she might not be happy to see if she gets her memories back. You might want to keep that in mind too.”

“I haven’t lied to her about anything, alright?” In a lowered voice. “I’m...being careful.”

“...alright.” Clearing his throat. “I-”

“Time’s up.” The guard.

“Right. I’ll come check on you later.”

“...sure.” Rolling his eyes. 

And that’s it.

-090-

“I hope you all remembered to skip lunch,” Meh said as she stood over the control panel the next morning, surrounded by a small army. “Or this will not be fun. First group up on the launch pad.”

It was a tight fit, two and three traveling in the small pods together, but it was necessary. As it was, it took nearly half an hour to launch their party into space. 

Amanda rode last with Meh and Datak, crowded together as the pod walls lifted around them and sealed overhead. 

“Reyatso preserve us!” Datak hissed as they took flight with a force that nearly sent them to their knees. Amanda caught hold of Doc’s arm before she entirely collapsed, helping her regain her footing in the confined space.

Then they were through the atmosphere, and rocketing at eye-blurring speeds towards the lit ship. The earth below rotated with a serenity that felt at odds with the wreckage of dozens of interstellar ships littered about its outer edges. 

They arrive. The VC obeyed, and were tightly formed up around the launch pad. Meh picks those who go with her, and they head for the ark brain. The rest stay put. Its Datak, Amanda, the doctor and two soldiers. The Major stays with the rest. 

Same as before, Doc gets plugged in. Amanda wants to be sick. Datak is horrified. Once Doc is in, she slowly starts taking control of the ship. Sends a few soldiers on errands to flip switches or input codes. The doctor carefully monitors her vitals, keeping track of how much more she can take. They find a planet, and set the ship to launch in fifteen minutes. Before that, soldiers start leaving in pods. When Meh is pulled, the doctor does something to save her life. She’s still severely weakened, and they arrive back on the planet all in one piece with the Omec safely on their way somewhere else.

Amanda stays with Doc, visiting Nolan once to inform him of their progress before going back to the clinic. Stomach surgery happens, blood transfusions. The leftover clone is properly disposed of. When Doc wakes up, she smiles at Amanda.

“Hey.”

“You remember me?” Hopeful. 

“As the pretty Mayor? Yes. Not anything else.” Amanda colors. “Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be.”

“...you just caught me off guard.” Clearing her throat and looking away. 

“Right...” Trying to sit up. Amanda helps. “Thank you.” Taking a deep breath, slowly stretching out. “Well, he’s no indogene, but their doctor isn’t half bad.”

“Doc?” It's Samir, sticking his head in.

“That’s me.” Looking back at him. 

“...you still don’t remember.”

“No, sorry kid.” Tilting her head. “Who are you?”

“I’m your...student, I guess. You said I could apprentice under you, to learn to be a doctor like you.”

“Really?” Surprised. “Well, come show me what you know. I just had surgery and woke up. What do you need to do?”

Samir fumbles his way through it, but Doc’s not entirely displeased. He’s got the bones of it, it just needs polish. The other doctor comes in, replicates it. Meh is declared as well as can be expected. She’s going to be sore for a while, but the VC had plastiderm on them so her wounds are closed and ‘mostly’ healed. Her stomach is in place. She’s hungry, and wonders why it feels unfamiliar. 

Amanda. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen you eat before.”

“That is no surprise.” Dr. Gorvian. “You had a hyper-efficient stomach implant, Doctor Yewll.” (She insisted on the shortened name) “You would have only required sustenance on rare occasions, and in very small amounts.”

“Well look at that, a silver lining to the cloud.” Swinging her legs slowly out of the bed. “Let’s go find something to eat!”

“...ok.” They get something from a street vendor. The Major is scandalized, and Meh tells him not to get his panties in a twist. Amanda has to hide her smile. This Doc is...easy to get along with. And funny. 

The Major approaches them after the meal, trying to look stiff and important.

“Honorable Prime.”

“Major.” Dryly. “What is it?”

“Given that the Omec threat has been dealt with and the initial treaty with Defiance has been completed, it is time part of the caravan returned to Votanis Collective Territory with the prisoner Joshua Nolan for his trial. And it would be best if you accompanied us as well.”

“You can’t!” Amanda doesn’t back down when both of them look at her. “Doctor Yewll is a citizen of Defiance, and our best doctor even with her memories impaired. And there may be evidence among your notes, Doctor Yewll, that supports what we discussed. That Joshua Nolan’s actions were not fully his own, and that he cannot be held entirely responsible for them as a result.”

“He murdered a Senator. A peacemaker.” The Major, practically growled. “He must stand judgement for what he has done-”

“Then try him in Defiance. Before a panel of his peers, as is the custom of Defiance.” Thinking quickly. “We’re not asking for you to let him go, just to see that we need to see whatever happens it was done the right way.”

“She makes a compelling argument.” Doc, to the Major with a small half-smile.

“Please-”

“Am I interrupting something, Meh?” Datak enjoys calling the honored Prime by her name in front of the stiff Major and nearly seeing his face turn purple. “I merely wanted to congratulate you on being up and about again so quickly!”

“Thank you, and good timing. I would like your opinion on something.” Doc neatly sums up both sides for Datak, and puts the question to him, “What do you think should be done?”

“Well, there are two points I think the Mayor is definitely correct,” Datak admitted, rubbing at his chin. “If you examined Nolan before, which I cannot personally attest to, then there will be notes on it. Somewhere in your clinic. You should see if they support the claim that Nolan was not acting under his own impulses. The other is that if the citizens of Defiance see Nolan, who was admittedly popular with many for whatever reason, dragged away to face VC justice in VC territory, they will not see the VC as our allies but as aggressors who can take citizens to a place where they may have few or no rights and do whatever they please with them.”

Major, sneering. “So Defiance does not take the charge of murder with multiple witnesses seriously? Honored Prime-”

“So where might these notes be?” Meh, overriding him gleefully. “I’ll admit, I’ve done a little poking around and I haven’t seen anything close to what you’re describing, Mayor Rosewater.”

“Ah...” Glancing at Datak, who suddenly has his poker face on. She blinks, then catches his eye.  
“...you know about the...?”

Datak looks back, then frowns. “Do you?”

Deciding to bite the bullet. “I do.”

“Me too.” Looking slightly displeased.

Meh snorts. “Well, take me to my secrets then, friends and let’s see what they yield!”

The notes support what they’re saying, and so she refuses to leave and take Nolan with her. Besides, she needs to look through the Omec tech to be sure it isn’t dangerous and remove the remaining arktech from Irisa’s brain. The VC doctor requests to be her aid, to learn from her. She says he has to let Samir help too, as the human has impressed and has obviously learned a few things from her so far. Agreed. The Major isn’t happy, but is also unwilling to push further. 

Orders finally arrive via courier. The specialist is coming, along with a new Envoy. The terms of the treaty were met, and Nolan will be dealt with once they arrive. 

Due to the timing (it will be a few weeks for them to arrive) Nolan has to remain in prison during this time. Amanda comes to visit him every day, but the more he hears about the new Doc the more pissed off he gets about the whole thing. Amanda defends Doc, as she’s actively working to provide evidence to get him off, but he doesn’t trust it. Doc thinks it might be a lingering side-effect of the ark-tech. The anger and irritability. 

Amanda is there the first time Meh sees where she lives (it’s also the first time Amanda is up there) and isn’t impressed by it at all.

People in the town realized what’s happened to Doc, but that she’s still a good doctor. A few scenes supporting this. Reintroductions and the like. Samir enjoys learning under her. 

Amanda having more meals with Doc.

Datak enjoys the new Meh, too. She’s fond of Favi Chubbs (Luke) and comes over for dinner, which she never did before. The Prime status everyone pretty much ignores.

Amanda asks her to officially accept a seat on the Town Council. She does. 

Then the Envoy and Specialist arrives. 

Dr. Corrandant wants Meh to be pushed to remember things as quickly as possible. Doc insists on dealing with Nolan first. She presents her extensive evidence, and the Envoy has to agree. Nolan is strapped (or some other physical punishment) but given his life and freedom afterwards. He’s extremely bitter about the whole thing, and not happy with Amanda at all. Irisa remains the Lawkeeper. Figure out where she stands on everything.

-090-

Amanda looked up at the knock on her office door, and found Doc standing just outside.

“Busy?” she asked, looking unusually nervous. 

“No more than usual. What do you need?” Giving her a wave to come in.

“Dr. Corrandant cornered me again this morning, and I’m out of excuses for not going through my file. I didn’t know if you’d want to...look at it with me?”

Amanda paused, surprised. “Really?”

“I mean...I don’t know what I’m going to find. The files are all on a drive, and they’ve set up a few screens for me to use in one of the rooms in Town Hall to access it all. But...Dr. Corrandant suggested support if there was someone I trusted enough to see it all.” Giving Amanda a long look. “And I don’t know why...but I do trust you.”

Amanda’s surprisingly touched. “Then let’s go. All this can wait until later.”

So they go on a journey together to discover who Meh Yewll actually is. The script is all in indojinse, so Amanda can’t read it, but Meh can. Amanda can see the pictures and video clips, though. She’s shocked to realize Meh was from a big family. Ten siblings, and her smack dab in the middle. The entire family was part of those who went to Earth, due to their utter brilliance. Both parents were Primes, and two of her ten siblings were awarded the title as well. Meh wonders where they are and if they miss her. Amanda has no idea, and keeps the thought that maybe they aren’t around anymore to herself. It's still fascinating. 

Then Lev pops up. The first image of her is in a video from an experiment, and at the end while celebrating their success they kiss. Meh smiles. “Well, at least she’s pretty. Do you know-?”

“I’ve never seen her before.” Embarrassed. “She doesn’t...look familiar?”

“No. And if...how many years have I been here?”

“Ten. Thereabouts.”

“If I’ve been here ten years, and you’ve never seen her...well, it probably didn’t work out.”

Then the wedding pictures pop up. And the poetry. And the files of their projects together. 

“...wow.”

Amanda can't stop staring at Doc with a smile on her face. At the joy and the love. 

“I don't understand.” Doc, getting up and stepping away from the console.

“What?”

“You say I’ve lived here for ten years, right? Ten years, and my closest friends know... nothing about me.” Looking away. “I don't think I want to know anymore.”

“Doc, you can't just stop...”

“Yes, I can. I’ve seen where I live, alright? And I’ve seen....what I used to have. Whatever happened, to get me from this to that, I don't want to know.”

“What will you do?” Worried. 

“What I’ve been doing. Be a doctor. I have a life here, a business and a home. The home part needs some work, admittedly, but that can be fixed.” Holding her hands up. “Clean slate. It just seems like the best option for me at this point. Assuming you want me to stay sans my past.”

“We’ll take you either way, you’re the best doctor this town’s ever had. The VC isn't going to like it, though.”

“The VC can deal with it. They’ve managed just fine without me for ten years, they can do so for another ten.” Closing everything up. “I’m a doctor, not a slave, and they can’t make me do anything I don’t want to.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Meh goes very still, her back to Amanda. She pulls up the picture of her family, and turns to look at Amanda. “...they sent me pictures, and not the people in them. That tells me all I need to know.” Quietly. “I’m a citizen of Defiance, and you said I was important to this city.”

“You are.” Earnestly. “That is absolutely true.”

“Then I’ll stay. The past can take care of itself.”

The VC is not happy, but in this instance Meh is right. There is little to nothing they can do about it. She is left in Defiance, being the doctor. The VC Envoy establishes an embassy in the city, and relations between them improve. 

Meh starts to grow her new life. She doesn’t remember her patients, and as word spreads people start to stop and tell her who they are. She rebuilds her relationships with the community, and is an even better doctor than before. Samir enjoys learning from her, and she starts to pack away past projects. If she can’t see how it would benefit the town, she stores it for another time. She starts to improve her home as well. An actual table and chairs are procured. She gets rid of her cot and upgrades to something two people might actually fit on. Datak helps with that purchase.

“Do you think this is wishful thinking?” 

“Depends, who are you wishing to be in your bed?”

“At this point, I’d settle for just about any female.” 

“...liar. You need to practice if you wish to be as good as your former self at fooling people, Meh.”

“You know, I’m not sure I do?”

“I do envy you sometimes.” She glances at him. “We both made mistakes, you and I. Its how we became friends. But I think to be able to leave them behind, to start again fresh....it’s a gift, my friend. Do not waste it.”

“I don’t intend to, pal.”

Nolan isn't handling the whole thing very well. Even though his name is cleared (and banned from VC territory) he decides to leave Defiance. Irisa stays because of Luke and Alak. Amanda finds out he was chupping not only one of his guards, but once free had several other one-nighters around town. He avoids her and doesn’t want her help.

Amanda is...Amanda about the whole thing. Silently upset, and pretending everything is fine. Meh isn’t fooled. And openly confronts her about it about a week after he leaves and Amanda is still a bit down about the whole thing. 

“Is there something I should know about you and Nolan...?”

“No. I mean, there's nothing worth knowing. We're attracted to each other but keep... missing each other.”

“Meaning...?”

“Other people keep getting in the way. For both of us.”

“At least it's not one-sided.”

“It's fine.”

“It's not fine. And you don’t have to pretend it is with me.” Bluntly, but kindly. Amanda opens her mouth to protest, then closes it and nods.

“...it’s not fine.” Leaning against Doc. 

“Is not fine because you’re upset he has someone and you don’t, or because he has someone and it's not you?” Considering. “Both is actually an acceptable answer, too.”

Amanda laughs. 

“What?”

“You.” Leaning into her a bit more. They’re sitting on the couch in Amanda’s office, having tea. “Just you.”

“If I asked you a question, would you be honest with me?”

“Of course.”

“If this had happened, say....a year ago, would you have talked to me like this? Were we...this kind of friends?”

“...probably not.” Quietly. “You’ve said you didn’t want to know anymore about that time.”

“I know. But sometimes, I...wish I knew something about you, and I can’t help but think ‘I probably already know that answer, I just don’t want everything else that goes along with it’.”

“Like what?”

“Like...what would Amanda Rosewater do if I leaned over and kissed her?” 

“Other you probably wouldn’t have even tried.” Trying to make it a joke.

“Then other me was a fool, because you’re gorgeous and Nolan is an idiot for chasing anyone else.” Tucking a stray hair behind Amanda’s ear. 

“...you’re serious.” Surprised.

“...why wouldn’t I be?” Confused.

“Ah...” Trying to think of how to word it. 

“...does this have to do with other me?”

“...yes.”

Sitting back a little bit, thinking. “Did I already take this shot and get turned down?”

“No. No, you have not.”

“Then...did you take this shot and I turned you-?”

“No.” Doc is quiet for a long time, thinking. Amanda starts to panic a little bit, though she’s not sure why. “Look, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, it's ok. I guess the first thing to hash out is: are you interested or is this entire conversation a waste of time?”

“I...uh...” Swallowing her suddenly dry mouth. “I don’t...know.” Doc turns a little more in her seat. It puts a little more distance between them, but it also makes avoiding her direct gaze more difficult. She reaches out with one hand, and tucks the fallen hair back again.

“...do you want me to stop?” Quietly, but direct.

“No.” Heart beating a little faster.

Doc leans in a little closer, tracing her fingers from Amanda’s ear down towards her chin. 

“...how about now?”

“No.” Breathing a little faster, swallowing. Goosebumps.

The indogene slowly moved the last few inches until their noses barely brushed. “...now?”

Amanda opened her mouth and nothing came out, eyes fastened on the dark lips as desire and fear wrestled in her gut-

“It’s alright,” Doc said as she briefly touched their temples together and then started to carefully move away . “But I should probably-”

“Don’t you dare.” Hoarsely, seizing her collar and dragging her back for the promised kiss. 

Despite the initial rush, their mouths moved slowly together, lips light as breath mingled and tongues traced delicate patterns around each other. Amanda’s grip on the doctor’s collar relaxed, and slid effortlessly to trace the back of the smooth head. Meh shuddered as finger pads dragged against her skin, her own hands braced against the couch to keep her from falling against the Mayor. 

When Amanda finally let the woman go, it was with a hesitant smile. 

“So?” Breathing heavily. “Did it live up to your expectations?” Amanda

“I have a feeling that you make a habit of defying them,” smiling. “What made you change your mind?”

“I...had to know.” Smirking. “Also, if you're going to tease someone like that, you’d better be prepared to accept what follows.”

“Madame Rosewater, I would be happy to accept whatever follows from you.” Teasing her nose with the tip of her braid.

“Was that your first time kissing a human?” Curious.

“In so far as I can remember, it was my first time period.”

“-oh.” Putting that in context. “But...we saw...”

“Oh, yeah, I remember seeing the pictures and the video. But it might as well have been of a stranger.” Shrugging. “It was a fabulous first time, thank you very much.”

“You're welcome.” Thinking. “So...if you can't remember kissing...”

“I mean, it's like I can remember the mechanics of it. Where I should be. Where you should be. Possible....ways to explore it. Things that usually follow. But as for an actual specific instance...none.” Smiling wider. “Want to help me make some new memories?”

“...alright.” 

There’s a knock on the door.

“Does that lock?” Meh.

“No.” Regretful. They scoot apart. Doc fixes her collar. Amanda reaches over to fix her lipstick with the edge of her thumb. Doc takes a small lick at it. Amanda has to clear her throat, because suddenly her mouth is dry again. A second knock. “Yes?”

Doc crosses her arms and legs, making it appear like there is more room between them then there is, as Stamah walks in. Seeing Doc, she frowns. 

“I do not generally speak poorly of people who do not work for me,” she said as she crossed the room. “But your assistant is proving...difficult to work with. She argued with me for nearly five minutes about whether or not you could be disturbed, and then proceeded to imply that if you were upset for being disturbed it would be on my own head.”

“I’ll have a word with her,” Amanda replied, pointedly not looking at Doc though she felt her cheeks heat slightly. “What is it you need?”

“These are the papers you need about...” It goes on for a while. Doc’s hailer goes off. She crosses the room to answer it, then comes back.

“Sorry to interrupt, but Samir needs me back at the clinic. Chirp me on the hailer about tonight if-”

“Tonight?” Stamah, breaking in. “You are not coming to the family dinner?”

Doc pauses. “...I forgot about that.”

“That’s alright,” Amanda quickly. “I can...teach you to make french toast another time.”

“Another experiment in cooking, doctor?” Stamah, amused. “Hopefully, it will turn out better than the cake.”

“You make one mistake and no one ever lets you forget it...” Rolling her eyes as she leaves. Amanda watches her go, then quickly yanks her eyes back up to Stamah who is thankfully studying her papers. As soon as the doctor is gone, she abruptly sets them down.

“How is the doctor doing, Amanda?” genuine concern. 

“...fine. Pretty good, actually.” Trying to keep a straight face. “She seems...really happy.”

“Datak worries about her.”

“And you’re not jealous?”

“He has no desire to lay with her, nor she him. He seems to view her as a sort of...sister. One who currently needs his protection and care.” More quietly. “It is strange to see her so...changed.”

“I think it's a good thing.”

“Nolan still does not trust her.”

Lower. “Nolan has his own troubles to worry about.”

“...ah, I am sorry. I truly did forget.”

“It’s alright. He’s a big boy, and he can do what he likes.” Ironically. “Or whom.” Thoughtfully. “And so can I.”

“While our Lawkeeper is undoubtedly handsome, his attentions do seem to be....fickle at best.” Giving the Mayor a once over. “Whoever it is you are thinking about, I hope you find them a more steadfast partner.”

Amanda just shrugs. “Are Irisa and Alak joining you for dinner?”

“Of course. And young Luke. Now that I am jealous of. Our grandson is inordinately fond of the doctor, and prefers to spend most of his time in her lap when they visit.”

“Really?” Curious, smiling. “That’s...” Swallows what she’s about to say. “...at least you know he’s safe there.”

“True. And it lets the rest of us enjoy our meal while it is still warm. He especially likes to stroke her head.”

“Does she mind it?”

“No. I think she likes it, actually.” Thoughtful.

Again, Amanda has to control her face. “Well, I hope you enjoy yourselves. I need to finish...”

“Of course.”

Doc does dinner, but leaves earlier than normal. She leaves, and on a hunch heads for city hall. There’s a light still on in Amanda’s office. 

“Knock knock.” Leaning on the doorframe. “What are you still doing here?”

“Trying to distract myself.” Putting her pen and papers aside.

“Is it working?” Sauntering further inside.

“Not well.” Leaning back in her seat. 

“Got something on your mind?” Leaning on Amanda’s desk. 

“You could say that.” Standing up to take Doc’s hand. “...if I ask you to stay at my place tonight, what would you do?”

“I’d say...let’s go make a memory.” Kissing her hand. 

They don’t hurry, but Amanda does tuck her hand in Doc’s arm, and they occasionally trade glances as they walk along. Doc starts talking about Samir’s latest goof today. He is doing pretty well, but he can’t seem to keep the differences between the races straight in his mind. Amanda’s not really listening, but given the rambling and repetitive nature of Doc’s words she suspects she’s not really paying attention either. 

Entering the NeedWant, the lady who runs the counter asks, “Tea and bourbon sent up to your rooms?”

“Uh...yes.” Not wanting to appear that anything is...out of the ordinary. They head upstairs.

When they get up there, Amanda pauses once the door is closed beside them. Doc looks at her, clearly wondering why. 

“Do you care if people know...?” Waving a hand between them. 

“No.” Bluntly. “It’s not their business, but even if it gets around I honestly don’t care. Is there a reason I should? Or does it bother you?”

“Just...I think it would have bothered...the other you.”

“Then other me was too caught up in what other people thought, and not enough in making you very, very happy.” Sliding arms around her. “Does it bother you?”

“No.” Deciding however Nolan finds out, how he feels about it is his problem and not hers. She pulls Meh even closer and nudges their noses together. “Let’s make those memories.”

When the tea and bourbon finally arrives, Amanda answers in just her shirt and underwear. Doc is decidedly unclothed in the background. 

“Thank god. Maybe now you’ll stop growling at everyone.”

“I was not-”

“You were.” Meh, from the bed. “Don’t worry, ______. I’ll give it my best shot.”

“Thank you, Doc!”

Amanda is bright red when she comes back to the bed, putting the tray on the table.

Something something something...sex.

Doc is a strange mix of confident and unsure. Amanda is a bit rusty herself when it comes to women. There’s a lot more laughter involved than she remembers, but in a good way. When they’re done, and cuddling together in the dark, Amanda finally asks, “Well? How was it?”

Meh smiles in the dark, “Literally, as far as I can remember, the best I’ve ever had.”

Amanda hits her with a pillow. And more kissing follows. 

That morning, Amanda wakes up afraid it is going to be a dream. That old Doc will be back, and it’ll be over. It's not. Doc instead initiates another round, and they both leave well satisfied for their respective jobs. 

Then at a morning meeting, Stamah comments on Amanda’s excellent mood. Amanda doesn’t give her what she’s angling for. On the other hand, Meh totally spills to Datak over lunch. Not going into details. Datak is thrilled for her. They celebrate with some sort of food-thing.

That night, Amanda stays over at Meh’s. There are advantages to that, like more room in general and no one around. Also no one to bring them food, but a semi-kitchen for Meh to receive private cooking lessons in. Naked cooking proves dangerous, but semi-clothed still provides lots of possible fun. 

Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. Word gets around, and Nolan isn’t thrilled, but really only has himself to blame this time. He’s back to hunting ark-tech, and tends to trade ladies like new shirts in town. 

One night, they both finally say it. Love. They are in love. Over the moon, they both go to sleep. 

Doc wakes up gasping a few hours later, clawing at her neck.

“Meh?” Amanda, sitting up, worried.

“Holy-!” Panic flight mode, falling out of bed, then realizing she’s naked. Grabbing the nearest thing and yanking it on. Then realizing it isn’t hers. “Friggin-!”

“Meh?” More worried now, getting out of bed. The doctor looks at her, then immediately yanks her eyes away. 

“Oh shit-!” Turning away. “Why am I naked? Why are you naked? What-?”

“Meh, it's ok, just-”

“No, it is not ok! Why the hell are you calling me by my name?!” 

Amanda finally pauses. “...Doc?”

“That’s more like it.” Still breathing heavily, clearly on the verge of panic. “Legs, what is going on?”

“...oh shtako.” Getting up and pulling on whatever is closest. Handing others to Doc. “Here.”

“What?” 

“I need to make some tea and find the bourbon. And then we need to talk.”

It takes a few minutes, and Meh keeps looking around.

“This is my place, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, it probably...looks different.”

“...that’s putting it mildly.” Walking around, touching some of the things on the walls. “Huh.”

“What?”

“I had...something like this when I was a kid. On Votan.” Touching another thing. “And this...where did it come from?”

“You picked it out from a traveling peddler. Said it made you happy.”

“At one time, yeah.” Dropping her hand, turning around to find Amanda holding out a cup for her. She sniffs it. “I can’t drink this, alcohol-”

“You can now. The hyper-efficient stomach is gone.”

“...and the cloud has a silver lining.” Takes a careful sip. “Very nice. Now, what the hell is going on?”

They sit at the table. Amanda explains about the headwound and her losing her memory. Shot three times by a VC soldier trying to hit Kindzi, shoulder, head and stomach. The VC doctor saved her, but it was a close call. She trusted Amanda, though, and Datak. How she helped defeat the Omec, and send them off into space for a new home. How she started to learn about herself, and decided she didn’t want to learn more.

“Smart girl.” Quietly. “How long ago was that?”

“...four or five months. Things have been quiet, mostly. You run the clinic, teach Samir...”

“And apparently bagged the Mayor.”

“Yeah, you did.” Shrugging. “So...what is this? What’s happening? Why are you...back, and why can’t you remember the last four or five months?”

“Without seeing any of the scans or data from whatever happened to me, all I can do is guess. But there have been documented cases where indogenes who suffered brain damage woke up with a...block. Like a partition on a computer. Data on one side, data on the other, and nothing shared in between.” Shrugs. “Or very little at any rate. You said I’m still a doctor.”

“Yes. You seem to just...know things, even though you can’t remember how you know that.”

“Ok, the theory is sound so far, then. Generally, the block is fairly stable. Until it gets ‘pushed’ against. Did anything happen today? Anything...out of the ordinary.” Amanda pauses. “...this wasn’t the first time we...?” 

“Had sex? No. No, that’s been happening for months.”

“Months?” Choked out. “How...? Friggin’ hell, I really was a smooth talker wasn’t I?”

“Yeah, yeah you are.” Smiling a bit. 

Doc looks away. “Amanda...I’m...not that person, alright?”

“Aren’t you, though?”

“Look the...the me that you’ve...been with isn’t broken. I am. Luckily for you, if I’m right, you’re going to get her back very shortly.”

“What do you mean?”

“The block...flexes when put under pressure. Emotional or mental stress. Whatever happened...it was a big deal to her. So the block...flexed, and popped to the side for a bit. But it won’t last. She’ll come back to you, and you can go on your merry way.”

“And that’s it?”

“Look...this is all conjecture, and I probably don’t have time to do more than walk through a few possibilities. I’m going to jot down some notes for...her. Can you make sure she gets them? And takes them seriously? I feel like there’s something else that I’m forgetting, but...” Putting a hand to her forehead. “Suddenly it's all I can do to keep my eyes open.”

Paper and pens, scribble scribble scribble. 

“I need to sleep.”

“C’mon, Doc, let’s get you to the bed.”

“Was that her idea or yours?” She means the bigger bed.

“What..?” Confused.

“Hers. Holy Christmas.” Letting Amanda help her get settled. “So...can I at least get a bedtime story?”

“What do you want to know?”

“How’d I do it?” Smirking with her eyes closed. “Bag the Mayor?”

Amanda tells the story, and watches the smile drop from Doc’s face.

“What? Did you use that on someone else?”

“No.” Sadly. “It got used on me.” Sighs, closes her eyes.

“Doc?”

She’s asleep. Amanda cleans up the tea, wondering if she should call Samir. She considers lying down, but it feels wrong. Feels like she’s invading space that isn’t hers. She’s finished when Doc sits up again, rubbing her face.

“Amanda?”

Something about the tone and the posture tells her who it is. 

“Meh.”

Explain explain explain. Doc gets up and starts to do some looking of her own. It ends up being a two-week thing. In the end, she decides her ‘other self’ is right. But that for right now it's not a problem.

“Was telling me you loved me really that...hard?”

“I was terrified you wouldn’t feel the same way.”

“How could you possibly...?”

“I don’t know. It just...was. And now it's not.”

-090-

General how things are going in town, important details with others. 

Meh still an awesome doctor, and with some VC support is now pushing the boundaries of what is considered medically possible once again.

A child has a rare disease, and she fights tooth and nail to save them. Does so!! Or...so they thought. They’re back a few days later, and in less than 24 hours the child is dead. Doc is devastated.

That night, after she finally falls asleep, Amanda wakes to find herself alone. There’s a small light on in the kitchen, and Doc is rummaging quietly in the cabinets.

“Tea is in the one to your left,” Amanda said, seeing the change in stance alone. “And the bourbon is above the sink.”

“Thanks,” not looking at her. Amanda realizes she’s basically in her underwear. She gets dressed as Doc makes the tea this time. “Sorry about waking you up. I was trying to be quiet.”

“It’s alright, I kind of figured I would see you tonight.” Sad smile.

“What happened?” Pouring for them both, settling in at the table. 

“You lost a patient. A child.” Describe, describe, describe. “You were so sure...”

“Children are always the hardest.” Closing her eyes. “How did the family handle the news?”

“...I’m not sure. They were gone by the time I got home. You watched the pyre from the roof.”

“Ah.” Sadly. “Glad to know some things don’t change.”

“Doc?”

“Don’t worry about it, legs.” Shaking her head. “...well, how long has it been?”

“About six months from last time, almost a year all told.”

“And you and she are still...” Waving a hand.

“Yeah.” Smiling a little. “We’re...happy. Really happy.”

“...good.” Clearing her throat. “That’s good. How’s the rest of Defiance doing?”

Talk talk talk. Eventually Doc starts yawning.

“Go ahead and lay down. I’ll clean this up.”

“...thanks. It was good to see you, legs.”

“You too, Doc.”

-090-

Describe the wedding, and the party that follows. And then the hours spent celebrating in private once the festivities have ended. 

Doc wakes to a mess of sex and sheets. She tries to silently untangle herself from the snoring Amanda, and goes to take a quick shower. She needs one. Realizes her ‘thing’ is out. Grumbly, because it's hard to work around when you’re not used to having it. Comes out to find some clothes...finds the dress. It's a wedding dress. She finds a nice indogene dress beside it, also in white. Checking the nightstand, she finds a ring and a collar. 

Holy Christmas.

“Doc?”

The indogene glanced up to see Amanda sitting up in the bed, wrapping herself in a sheet.

“How can you tell it’s me?”

“I’m really hoping Meh wouldn’t have any reason to look that panicked over our wedding rings.” Pointed.

“...big ceremony?”

“Bigger than either of us wanted. Datak insisted, and everyone came. There were hundreds of people at the reception.”

Doc made a face.

“Yeah...she wasn’t thrilled about it either. But....it’s what it is.”

“Did Datak at least pay for this ridiculously monstrosity.”

“Yes, and Luke was our ring bearer.”

“Luke...Alak’s son.”

“He and Irisa are living together now.”

“How is Nolan taking that?”

“Nolan...usually isn’t around long enough to actually have an opinion.” A little sadly. “He scavenges arkfall mostly, so we go months without seeing him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m happier with you.”

“Her.” Amanda rolls her eyes. “And I’m still sorry. You were good friends for awhile.”

“Things change.”

“Yes, they do.”

“...I want to know something, Doc?”

“What’s that?”

“Do you,” pointed, “Think I’m pretty or is that just a...her thing?”

“...yes, I think you’re pretty.” Quietly. “Why?”

“It just...she was so certain what she wanted from the beginning, and sometimes I couldn’t quite believe it unless...it was already there. She just didn’t remember it.”

Meh clears her throat uncomfortably. “...yeah.”

“That makes me feel better, actually.”

“Why?” Surprised.

“It gives me hope that we still might have worked out even if...it wasn’t this way.”

“...probably not, legs.”

“Why not?”

“I’m broken. She’s not.” Crossing her legs, and catching on herself. Yelping. Amanda smothers a smile. “Friggin’-!”

“Sorry. I should have thought about it when I asked if we could, uh...” Shrugging.

“I mean, it's...her body too, I’m just...not used to it.” Uncomfortably. “I’m actually surprised, I didn’t...think that would be your thing.”

“Apparently...you’re my thing.”

“Her.”

“Same body.”

“...true.” Grudging. Amanda yawns. 

“You can go back to sleep, legs. You had a big day.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Find something to enjoy from your nice cabinet over here, and sit for a while contemplating life and its mysteries.”

“...I’ll get up.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t like the idea of you sitting up alone on our wedding night.”

“Legs...” Closing her eyes. 

“Don’t argue with me.”

“...yes, dear.” Ironic. 

Amanda laughs. “You don’t know how often I hear that.”

“Oh, I bet I can guess.” Looking away as she gets up to get dressed. She also picks up the discarded dresses. 

“Are you hungry?”

Meh’s stomach grumbles.

“I thought you might be.” A little smug.

She makes french toast. It's the first time Doc can remember eating a proper, full meal in one sitting in decades. They joke and tease each other for about an hour. The Meh gets very, very tired. 

“Go lay down, I’ll clean up here.”

“Are you sure?” Around a yawn.

“Yes.” Dropping a kiss on her head. “I’ll make you cook and clean up in the morning.”

“She’s very lucky.” Not looking at her. “I hope she knows it.”

“I’ll make sure she does.”

“You do that.” Meh lays down, and is out like a light. It doesn’t feel as intrusive this time to crawl into bed with her when she’s done. Not cuddling like usual, just...lying close.

Meh wakes up in the morning, and rolls her tongue around her mouth. Also glances down at herself. 

“The...other me popped by, did she?” Kissing Amanda as she wakes up.

“Hm...yes.”

“You made her french toast?”

“She was hungry, and I figured that would be better than offering her your usual favorite late night snack.” Teasing.

“...is it weird to be jealous of yourself?”

“Yes, it is. You’re both sexy as hell, but you are my wife. And you owe me breakfast.”

“...that’s not even fair.”

Snuggling closer. “I promise to make it worth your while....?”

“Fine. You’re too adorable. I give up.” Kisses, kisses, kisses.

-090-

Doc opened her eyes to find her world rocking uncomfortably. Sitting up quickly, she realized her mistake too late as her stomach gave a lurch-!

A bowl was thrust under her face, catching the contents of her stomach before there was soft prick in the side of her neck. The nausea stopped almost immediately, and Doc looked up to find Amanda standing beside her, face averted slightly so she couldn’t see what was now sloshing around the deep bowl.

“Holy Christmas I hate boats.”

“So I have learned.”

“Got a lot of practice catching bodily fluids?”

“More than I care to admit. We're on our way back to Defiance. We visited the VC city ______ for a conference and meetings.”

“....ok, why am I here then?”

Amanda pauses. “...we made a big decision today.”

“We aren't moving to ______, are we?”

“No, no.” Laughing. “South America was beautiful, but I'm ready to be home. No....we attended a meeting about the indogene race, and how it's in decline.”

“Ah, I've been waiting for that call to come for a couple of years, actually.”

“We're going to do it. Start a family.”

“...oh.”

“What did you think I was going to say.”

“Uh...I just...” Shaking her head. “I always planned to just sign away my rights as soon as they asked.”

“Let someone else raise your children?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I already told you. I'm broken. And unfit to be a parent.

“You're amazing with kids.”

“She is. She is not me.”

“...I'm not going to argue with you.” Handing her the bowl. “You can take care of that.”

“...right.”

Finish this one out. More explanation. She tells Amanda a few things, explanations for her children if she can't make them herself. It softens Amanda up a little bit. They go to sleep...

And Doc is still there when they wake up. 

Amanda rolled over and backed into her wife, expecting an arm to snake its way around her waist and perhaps palm her breast. Though given the state of her wife’s stomach at sea, she had little hope for attention past some cuddling. Hearing a thump, though, as Meh hit the floor was the last thing she expected. 

“Meh?!”

“Nope.”

Amanda stuck her head over the edge of the bed, and realized with a start who was staring back. “...Doc?”

“Shit.”

“What-? Why are you-?”

“I don’t know.” Sitting up hurriedly, looking sick again. “I don’t-....oh, Christmas, this friggin’ boat!”

“Just get up here already. Throwing up on the floor isn’t going to help.”

“And throwing up on the bed will? Wonderful.” Slowly getting up.

“No, but if you’re on the bed, I can give you another shot to help the nausea.”

“...yeah, alright.”

Meh climbs back into the bed, takes the shot, jumps a little when Amanda starts wrapping her in blankets.

“I’m just making sure you’re warm,” lightly teasing. “The shots usually make you cold, so...”

“Oh. Right. Same body. Thanks.” Settling back against the wall. They kind of just stare at each other. “So...”

“I need to eat.”

Meh’s stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch.

“That’s what I thought. Will you be...alright, long enough for me to go and get something?”

“...yeah. I should be.” Trying to hide her panic. Sees Amanda studying her. “What?”

“You actually...aren’t that good of a liar.” Getting dressed. “But no one knows your tells, so they can’t tell anyways.”

“Oh, and you do now?”

“A lot better than I did a few years ago.” A quick kiss on the head. “I’ll be quick. Here’s some water and some crackers, and the bowl just in case. I-...I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll be here.” 

Panic on both sides. Amanda comes back, and Meh is still fairly miserable. She makes her curl up with her, and helps calm her down. Meh starts yawning mid-conversation. So goes back to sleep, and wakes up as the wife. Relief all around. But...still miserable because she’s on a boat. Ugh!

-090-

The next time Doc wakes up, she’s on the cot in the supply closet and someone is screaming for her. She comes out to find her clinic in chaos, injured men everywhere. Thankfully, she takes good notes, and is able to jump right in like nothing’s happened. Samir gives her odd looks sometimes, but they’re all exhausted. There’s a few faces around she doesn’t recognize, but thankfully with all the work going on no one seems to notice. She’s taking a moment to drink some tea in the back when she smells something good. Amanda rounds the corner with a takeout box and Samir on her heels. With a witness present, she lets Amanda go for the kiss...and immediately regrets it because that shouldn’t feel as right as it does. 

“Legs.” Murmured quietly.

Amanda pauses, catching her eye. Doc shrugs. 

“You’re right, Samir,” she said quickly, turning to give the young man a smile. “She definitely needs some sleep. C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

“There’s patients....”

“No new ones,” Samir stuck in quickly. “And they broke through to the last fall. There are no further survivors. I can manage things here with _____ and ________. You need to rest, Doc.”

Amanda gives her a look. “...right. Let’s go....dear.”

Amanda takes her arm and drags her away.

“Why are you here?” Quietly, as they mount the steps. “For that matter, why am I here?”

“A major collapse at the mine,” Amanda replied, unlocking their door. Meh sees the clinic has been extended, and so has their rooms on the second floor. Amanda starts to make tea, and puts her at the table with the takeout box. “Eat.”

“What about you?”

“I already did.” Smirking. “Because when my assistant tells me I should sit down and eat, I do.”

“Right.” Glancing around a bit. “....how long has it been this time?”

“Less than two months, so don’t worry. There’s no babies waiting to ambush you yet.” Doc goes stiff. “...sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Taking another bite of her food. “So...how could a collapse this big happen? And why am I here?”

“We don’t know.” Face growing tight. “With the new imagers from the VC, this shouldn’t have been a possibility. The actual collapse, though, happened a couple of miles under the mine shafts.”

“...the Volge.”

“That’s one possibility. As for why you’re here, you were awake for over a day trying to save lives. And that was the first time you’d laid down to catch a quick nap in the supply closet.”

“...yeah. Yeah, I can see that being enough.” Putting her fork down. “....I need to go shower-” Amanda sets a stack of clean clothes on the table.

“I knew you would want to,” she said simply with a shrug. “We redid the bathroom when we added the new rooms. If you need help figuring it out, just let me know.”

“Thanks, legs.” 

Finish this out later. Amanda has to leave for a while, and comes back to Doc still being there. They have dinner together, and Amanda tells her some of what they’ve discovered, which isn’t much. Doc gets tired, and Amanda lays down with her. She wakes up the next morning as Meh. 

-090-

Doc woke to find herself in a chair in an unfamiliar room, covered by a knit blanket. A hand on her shoulder made her look up, and it was Amanda, holding a finger to her lips. Holding out a hand, the human pulled the indogene to her feet and then not letting go tugged her over to a small, walled bed.

“I want to introduce you to them,” she said as she whispered in Doc’s ear. “This is your son and daughter. Boh and Feh.”

“Twins?” Floored. “They’re...”

“Gorgeous? Perfect?”

“Are they...mine?” Hoping she understands.

“Yes.” Smiling at her. 

“Who is...the other half?”

“A source-print donor, who has waived all their rights to any children.” 

“Ok.” Heart full, but also sad staring down at the little bundles. They sleep on soundly.

“C’mon,” tugging the hand she never let go of. “Tea is waiting. And some muffins.”

“No bourbon?”

“Not tonight, no.”

“...right.”

They sit together, and Amanda gets Meh to talk about her family. Amanda is yawning after a while, it's been an exhausting day, but one of the babies wakes. 

“I’ll get her,” Amanda.

“No, let me.” Before Meh can consider the wisdom of the words. Still, they’re out there now, so... “I can do it.”

“You’re sure.”

“Legs...”

“Alright. Bottles are in the small fridge, and you made a warmer that I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out since you designed it. Come get me if you need anything.”

“Go to sleep, legs. I got this.”

And she did. She recites poetry to calm the baby in indojinse, and enjoys the feel of the small, warm body against her own. It makes her heart very full. And when the babe is back asleep, the other wakes and she feeds them as well. Boh and Feh she reminds herself. She’s rocking Boh back to sleep when she sees Amanda standing in the doorway, watching her.

“Told you I could handle it.” A little smugly.

“I never doubted you.” Leaning against the frame. “...I just wanted to see this, so I could tell the other you that yes, you always were this good with kids.” 

Looking away. “...Amanda?”

“Yeah?”

“Am I a good wife?”

“Yes.”

“And if you were unhappy or...or something was wrong...you would tell me? Her? You won’t hide it? Or let it...fester?”

“Actually...” Laughing a little. “Our fights have become a sort of legend around Defiance.”

“What for?” 

“Well...we’re both yellers if we get upset enough, and people have said they’re not sure which is louder: our fighting, or the making up afterwards.”

“...that’s a reputation I can live with.” Smirking a bit.

“Somehow, I didn’t think you would mind.” 

“Whatever happened to mine? Did you figure out why the tunnels collapsed?”

“Nothing conclusive beyond the fact that something did tunnel beneath our tunnels without us noticing. There was no proof that it was the Volge, and the VC has records of a creature that lived in stone and tunneled through it constantly. It's possible we were just unlucky.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

“I’m not. I want to believe it was nothing. I’m not sure I do.”

“And the Volge...that would be bad.”

“Yes, it would.” Around another yawn. 

“Go back to bed, legs. Boh and I will stay here awhile.”

“You could come lay down too.”

“No.” Closing her eyes. “They’re only this small once, and when I come back...he may be a man.”

“Of course.” Pausing. “...it was nice to see you again, Doc.”

“Good to see you too, legs.”

When Amanda wakes, it's still Doc, but she’s sitting with Feh now. She goes to make tea, and comes back to find her sleeping with the baby in her arms. When she wakes, it's Meh. Asks what she thought about the children, and Amanda tells her some of it, but not not all of it. Not that the kids are named after her siblings, the other two Primes. 

They’re super adorable together.

-090-

Doc woke alone and dressed, in the bed she had come to think of ‘hers and legs’. The main room was dark, but she saw Amanda sitting at the kitchen table with a single light on and a bottle of something dark in front of her with two glasses. 

“What happened?” she asked as she got up, rubbing at eyes that felt crusted and raw.

Amanda jumped a bit at her voice, then took a deep shaky breath.

“The Volge,” she said softly, wiping at her face with her hand. “It was the Volge. The tunnels that collapsed the mine shafts.”

“How? And why...?” 

Figure this out. Volge attacks began, entire small towns disappearing overnight. FIgure out why they are attacking, or if they even know why yet. They realized the tunnels under the town make them vulnerable. They start planting carefully calculated charges to block off the ones that lead most directly to the surface. They do have to be careful not to destabilize the town itself. Use Omec tech to melt rock and direct it where they want. 

The Volge come before they are quite done. It's not an enormous part, but it's big enough that they would have been hard pressed to fend them off. Hundreds would have died. Datak was among those doing the work, and they realized the charge wouldn’t go off. There was something wrong with the line. So he went and set it off manually, killing most of the volge and sealing off the tunell. He is dead as well. 

“...that idiot.” Sitting and pouring himself a drink.

“He’s a hero.” Ironic. “Of his own free-will.”

“How is Stamah?”

“Angry. And proud.” Thinking. “She’s actually the Mayor right now, so she’s a little too busy to think about it too much.”

“She’s-” Incredulous. “How did you lose to her?”

“I didn’t.” Mildly. “I’m taking two terms off for the kids. She’s already said she probably won’t run against me when I set back up next election, and that was before Datak....well, I think she’ll be ready for a break after this.”

“...how long has it been?”

“Mommy?”

Meh’s head whipped around as Amanda hurriedly stood up. 

“Boh,” she said quietly. “Why are you up?”

The boy stared past her at Doc, head tilting slowly to the side before asking softly, “Are you Doc?”

Doc’s mouth fell open, and she looked at Amanda who sighed. “You,” she said carefully, “Thought it would be best to be honest with them, just in case.”

“...I was right.” Clearing her throat, standing slowly. “That’s right, I’m Doc.”

“Why are you here?” Blinking curiously. “And where is _____?” (indojinse for mother?)

“She’s...asleep. And I’m here because...one of my best friends died today.”

“Uncle Datak.”

“Yes, him.” Looking him up and down. “How old are you, Boh?”

“Almost five.”

It's like a punch in her gut. Five years. Oh Christmas... She sits back down in her seat quickly.

“Doc?” Amanda worriedly. 

“...I’m fine, legs.” But not very convincingly. She realizes Boh is there, climbing into her lap. “What-” He presses his temple to hers and warbles. She closes her eyes and finds herself warbling back. 

“Better?” he asked seriously when it was done.

“Better,” she admitted, looking at him curiously. “Have a lot of practice with that?”

“Tehl is still scared of the dark,” he replied calmly, tucking one of his hands inside hers. “And Courtney likes it, even if she can’t sing back.”

“...it sounds like they are very lucky to have you as a brother.” 

“I think so.” Smiling. Meh has to swallow hard, he looks so much like her brother. 

“Boh,” Amanda, gently. “It’s late, and you have school tomorrow.”

(Finishes this out. Doc puts Boh to sleep, sees the four other children. Two humans, three indogene. She adopted the humans while Amanda was away, and that was that. But really, it's all just a distraction from the grief building inside. She mourns with Amanda, and shares ridiculous stories about Datak that she’s never heard before. When they wake in the morning, Doc is still there. She ends up staying for another day and a half. She attends Datak’s pyre, has a brief conversation with Stamah. Includes some suggestions for facing the Volge. She also gets to know the children, and finds herself unusually fond of them. Tells them some gross medical stories, they think she’s the coolest. After she goes, the suggestions Doc gave Stamah ends up saving the town from a few Volge raids. She asks Meh for more, but Meh has no idea where they came from. She doesn’t do war.) 

-090-

Meh feels beyond useless, people keep coming to ask her for help and she doesn't know what help to give. She wasn’t forged in war like her other self. 

Insert an earlier conversation with a VC doctor in which they discuss the possibility of destroying the block. But it would probably erase one or the other. Describe in computer terms. 

After watching close call after close call, and knowing there is no possible way in which they can win right now, she decides. Sets it all up, writes her letters, and has it done without telling Amanda. She does say goodbye to everyone that morning, before they go.

Meh and Amanda have a castithan helper of some kind. 

At the Council meeting, which is more of a war meeting now, Doc walks in.

Amanda knows immediately who it is as soon as she sees her. Doc hands her a letter, then proceeds to take over the meeting. Prime status: no one argues with her. She looks over everything they have, and immediately comes up with a few possibilities. The end game, though, is a designer virus. One which is designed to wipe out the Volge for good. 

Amanda’s in shock through the whole thing. In a matter of a week, Doc has turned the war around. But Meh is gone. Maybe the price was too high?

Amanda finally reads the letter. It's Meh, begging her not to give up on Doc. To try, because she can’t stand the thought of them not being together. Of her letting go just because she was stubborn and difficult. 

So, she does.

She has to almost beg for Doc to stay in the house with her, but eventually the indogene caves. It's little things at first. Breakfast together each morning, dinner together at night. Doc relearning how to cook, because it really is just chemistry. Amanda learning about Doc’s past. About Lev, and how she died. About the lab and what happened there. About what being a Prime means, and how her family died in the arkfall. Eventually, they’re closer than ever. The first time they kiss, Amanda wants to cry and laugh at the same time.

Things aren’t always easy. There is lots of fighting. Also the kids. Meh and Doc are different, and have different things they are ok and not ok with. It's hard. 

Things aren’t the same as they once were. Honestly, they never can be. But they are something...special. Something real and true. And to the people who understood what Doc gave up to help save Defiance, they’re the heroes and the heart of the city.


End file.
